The L Word!!! (If you haven't seen Season 5 Episode 4 DO NOT READ)

They're back!!!! (I hope.... time will tell)

Okay, so this season of The L Word (thus far) has been neither here nor there for me. I'm watching the episodes, having a few laugh out loud moments, but I guess I'm just not feeling most of the characters. I don't like Bette (at least not with Jodi... it's reminiscent for me of two women struggling to dominate the other in a mud fight.... not sexy to me). I don't like Jodi because I find her to be very self-centered... sorry. I HATE Jenny right now....truthfully I ALWAYS hated Jenny but now she's unbearable. Someone needs to kick her off her high horse quick, fast, and in a hurry. Alice and Tasha.... love them. They're so fucking cute it's nauseating, but I absolutely love them. Who else... I always love Tina... even when she was straight because for some reason she reminds me of me (soft and loving in relationships until my partner pushes me over the limit and then it's finished). Shane? Shane is a hoe... sorry. I was really mad at her in this last episode for sleeping with that damn couple. WTF Shane?! Kit and Max haven't been in the forefront this season and last but not least I really want to know more about Helena and Dusty... so the producers and writers need to make that happen for me.

But ANYWAY, I've been reading a lot of message boards and such and it seems that there are some points of contention about this highly talked about kiss between Bette and Tina so of course I have to give my opinion on them.

1. People are actually mad that they kissed because Bette is still technically with Jodi:
AND?? I'm sorry, I've been cheated on, I know how painful it is but.... Bette and Tina are meant to be together and I have a feeling that Jodi already knows that. I mean, sorry Jodi but... get your own. Bette and Tina belong together... they have that cute little baby and Bette was Tina's first (lesbian relationship)... I don't care what anyone says but your first always has a spot, especially when you were with them for years and years and have a kid together. Sorry Jodi... I'm sure you'll find someone else.

2. The "cry":
Come on... anyone who has been away from the one they love (whether you're not "together" other there's distance between you) have had that moment. That "damn... I didn't realize I missed you so much but now that I'm kissing you I just can't believe it and it feels so right." And the way that Tina was comforting her and holding her face... I could feel the love. I mean, watching Bette and Jodi kiss was like... I don't know... like their kisses are intense but they're not LOVING kisses they're "I want you" kisses... the kiss with Tina was just like "I love you... I've missed this... I've missed US." It made me want to get on a plane to Michigan and kiss mine! Lol. But I definitely don't think it was a "I'm cheating on Jodi" type cry... not at all.

So... that's my four cents on this... Long live TiBette! =)

Don't ask don't tell?

Okay, so I'm gonna preface this with my own personal "coming out" story (which by the way is so funny and backwards to people when they first hear it but... I'm putting it out for the entire world to see!! lol).

So I'm 18, I've been with my then girlfriend for four months. At the time, we were in a long distance relationship because I was in school in Michigan and at the time, she was in school in Alabama. So we're together, "in love" and all that jive. When I went home for Christmas break, we just couldn't get enough of each other. Neither of our families knew yet, and we were best friends in high school so it was pretty easy for us to have "sleep-overs" throughout the break. However, my mom threw a wrench in the plan when she started asking questions. "Why can't you and T. get enough of each other?" or "You're going over to T.'s to spend the night? Wasn't she just over here yesterday?" and stuff like that. I blew it off for the most part and ignored her until she sat me down and said "When I take you to the doctor, we're going to get you some birth control because anything can happen and I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did..." (blah blah blah). Now, why in the hell would I have needed birth control?!?! Spit don't make you pregnant. So we argue about it but I was just like, forget it. So we went to the doctor and she tells the doctor that she wants me to get on birth control. I made a sour face and the doctor went into this long explanation about why birth control is necessary. (Keep in mind, I've never had sex with a male... yes, I'm a GOLD STAR!! LOL) But eventually, the doctor left the room to go get something and while she was gone, my mom and I started arguing again. "I hope you don't think that you and T. are going to be engaging in lesbian activities for the rest of your life?" she told me... I'll never forget, I was sitting on the paper lined table in the little room and she was standing right next to me. Needless to say, her comment shut me up and I took the birth control and we left. The next day, I headed back to school, still haunted by her comment. So that night, I decided to come clean and tell her. She was shocked and said that she expected me to deny the "lesbian activities" comment, but when I didn't she kind of knew. Overall, though, she took it very well. It turns out that the relationship with T. didn't work out but if it wasn't for my mother, I would never have gotten through it. She was a pillar of strength and a shoulder to cry on (through the phone) when I was up crying about it at three in the morning. And my mother was the first person that I told about my current relationship a year ago.
Now keep in mind that through all of this, only two of my friends knew about me being a lesbian. One accidentally found out and the other I told because we met around the time that I found out that T. was cheating on me and I spilled my guts to her. Everyone else assumed that the person that I was up on the phone with until 4AM when I had class at 9AM the next morning and the person who broke my heart was a male. And I let them believe it. Even lying to continue their false beliefs. For some reason, I couldn't tell them that I was a lesbian. That is, until I fell in love with V., my current. V. was like a breath of fresh air and I just couldn't keep it a secret. So I put her picture up on my facebook page with a "status" that said "Yoshika is telling everyone to 'take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got'" (remember the song by Gym Class Heroes?). After making a few calls the the "importants" (a.k.a. my best friend who had NO IDEA) I was openly a lesbian. Some people started whispering and it eventually got around campus to the point where I was hearing about people asking OTHER people (not me, lmao) "Is Shika really gay?" or giving each other meaningful glances when I do my presentation on Gay Adoptions. I mean, hey, I didn't care, I was young, in love, and I had everything off my chest and felt much better for it.

So this leads me to my topic of the night... (damn, this is going to be a long as fuck blog... lol). As an out member of the LGBTQ community, is it best to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy? Part of me says, yes, it is best. Sometimes it's not in your best interest for people to know that you're homosexual. Some communities (black, religious, conservative) don't agree with homosexuality and it's actually really dangerous to be out. Think of Boys Don't Cry. If Brandon would have gone to New York City I highly doubt that he would have been killed for being a trans-man. But because he was in a rural mid-western town, it wasn't accepted. I'm sorry, I am in no way, shape, or form a martyr and I don't want to be killed because of my sexual orientation. Personally, I wouldn't even BE in some red-neck mid-western town but hey, if I was I would, by no means, advertise that I'm a lesbian and pull out my rainbow colored "I am, are you?" t-shirt. However, if the LGBTQ community was comprised of people like me, we would be nowhere right now but hiding in a log cabin in the middle of Kentucky somewhere. I'll admit that. And that's why I think that sometimes "don't ask, don't tell" is a punk's way out. In order to make progress, we have to make greater society uncomfortable. And to do that, we have to be out and proud in all aspects of our lives.

I guess the biggest thing, though, is that there's a time and place for everything. Be out when it feels right, but if it doesn't, then don't.

Goodnight!

Is the LGBTcommunity more of a "melting pot" than larger society?

Um... to answer quickly, that would be a "hell no."

Gays and lesbians, I think, are more separated that larger society. Sad but true.

There's the "black" LGBTQ community and then there is the "white" LGBTQ community. I mean, I see evidence of it everyday. Example: my girlfriend doesn't like the L-Word because they're white lesbians. One time, she and her friends when to this new gay club only to find that it was something "straight out of the L-Word." Example 2: Though there is a thriving "white" (sorry... just being honest... they are not like me... =( sad but true) LGBT community at my school, I really don't associate with any of the lesbians (who by the way seem like really cool people) for the simple fact other than sexual orientation, I have nothing in common with them. They can sit listening to Melissa Etheridge (forgive me if I misspelled) and be happy for an entire day but I like GOSPEL music (lol) which some of them are against (religion, that is)... or maybe I'm just a weird loner... either way, we don't mix.

Granted, the show The L Word could do a little better to be more inclusive of the entire gay community. I mean, not to go off on a tangent or anything but Tasha is not a really good description of a black stud lesbian... sorry. I mean, she's hella sexy and she could get it ANY day but (and let's not forget about Papi's sexy latina ass)... she ain't like other black studs. And going to a gay club on The L Word is not exactly like going to one in Detroit... but still...

I think it's so dumb that the community is so separated. We are already marginalized in society for our sexual orientations, why divide ourselves even more on the basis of race and/or culture? It doesn't make much sense to me...

I love The L Word... and even though I don't have Showtime, I always catch it on DVD when the season's over cause that's my shit. Even though I don't see lesbian life the way I live it everyday and it's different doesn't mean it's bad.

But I definitely wouldn't complain if they came out with a more... Afro-American centric lesbian show... like Noah's Arc for lesbians... I'll be the first one in line to watch it!

That's my tirade of the night.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Is this bitch for real???

Shit like this makes me ashamed to be black [sometimes] because I swear that [some] black people are SOOO homophobic and SOOOO closed minded and they don't give a fuck that they are. Is this Sherri woman serious? "You can wear dresses when you're 18 and out of my house"?? Yet she says two seconds later that if her son was gay she would love him but certain "activities" would not be happening in her house and went on to compare it to a woman and a man not being married and her feeling the same way about that.

Well, hunnay (yes, "AY"... pronounced "hunn-aaaye") last time I checked, most states don't allow homosexuals to marry. Does that mean that your son and his "activities" will never be accepted in "your house?" Really and truly, who wants to fuck with their parents in the next room, but the classification of coining his relationship with his partner as "activities" (because I'm sure loving gazes, hand holding, kissing, and hugging fall under her broad umbrella and are certainly prohibited) really rubs me the wrong way.

Now I can see why the LGBTQ community has such a high rate of suicide among younger kids: they have nobody at home to understand them. Seriously, watching that sickened me and I want to call her and give her a piece of my mind.

This really just makes me dislike the black community (and really society at large) for marginalizing homosexuals. Guess what, we're here, we're QUEER, SO GET USED TO IT, BITCHES!!!

Ugh!!!

And for the record, if my son wanted to wear a dress, I'll let him. I don't want to mute my child's self-awareness. It's such an annoying double standard that girls who like to play with boys toys and wear pants and no dresses are harmlessly called "tomboys" but it's such an issue when a little boy wants to play with a kitchen set and wear a princess dress. There are so many bigger things in the world for people to be worrying about than if their son wants to play with GI Joe or a Bratz doll. Come on, [Black] America... get the fuck over yourselves.

Dear Abby... CRAZY WOMAN STYLE

Dear Kathy CRAZY LADY,

My girlfriend has exes and friends that are interested in her sexually. They text and call her constantly and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. She tells me when they call and what they want, but I still have this uneasy feeling because I know they have different motives for just hanging around. She's open and honest with me as far as I know. But it's gotten to the point where if she and I are together and she turns her cell off, they show up at her job. She does inform me of it but to me its very disrespectful.

She's the type of person that just allows people to do what they do. She doesn't like to say no or be mean. She told me she has no backbone. And I don't want to seem mean or jealous and say well I don't want you in contact with any of these people because she calls them her friends.

She says she gets along better with butches than femmes. They are all butch and so am I. She is femme. She feels as if I should be in control and she should follow my lead. But I don't want to seem unreasonable and or just jealous. I asked her if I was to say I didn't want her in contact with any of these friends and ex's would she end all contact and she said yes. I didn't tell her to do that but I would have loved to do it. Am I in the wrong?

Jealous Joan

Now Joan... are you serious? If you allow her to, this woman will run all over you and not think twice. As an adult woman, she knows exactly what is appropriate and what isn't. Getting texts, calls, visits, etc from anyone who is sexually attracted to you is NOT APPROPRIATE. You need to get the backbone to tell her that you do not want her talking or associating with these people because like she said, she does not. Yes, in a perfect world, she would do it on her own but... it's not a perfect world and sometimes we have to do these things. You are not being jealous or stupid but you have to look out for yourself and trust only goes so far when one partner in the relationship is being stupid.

Now I'm not one to say that "femmes can't be friends with butches/studs" and vice versa but there comes a point when a line needs to be drawn. If your partner feels uncomfortable with a certain situation, then you need to adjust it so that she is comfortable. Especially if it is dealing with another person that could possibly be a threat to the relationship.

The best way to handle it is to talk about it. Express how you feel, find out how she feels, and adjust accordingly.

Kathy... are you really a lesbian?

So if you're anything like me, you're a huge fan of BET's College Hill Interns. Especially because there is a black lesbian now on the show. But since the airing of the fifth episode, people have been questioning whether or not Kathy is really gay.

So here's what happened, briefly:

All of the roommates were drunk and Kathy told the guys that she is basically on a different playing field as far as sex goes and that nobody is on her level. So her male roommates were all like "prove it." So she lays one of the guys out on the table and starts licking his stomach and neck and stuff. He said it was "cute" but it didn't make him go all crazy and then he turned to tables on her. Now when he was on top of her (honestly, he wasn't doing nothing special) she was visibly aroused and had to remove herself from the situation.

Does the fact that she was aroused mean that she isn't a true lesbian?

Hell no!

Being a lesbian is so much deeper than just sexual acts. So what if she was sexually stimulated by a man? The stuff that he was doing wasn't gender specific and it was something that a woman could have done. It's not like he pulled his dick out and was rubbing it all on her. So my answer is, so what?

Kathy, if you ever see this girl, you are a true lesbian and you're sexy as hell. If I was single I would tell you to get at me, lol.