Dear Abby... CRAZY WOMAN STYLE

Dear Kathy CRAZY LADY,

My girlfriend has exes and friends that are interested in her sexually. They text and call her constantly and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. She tells me when they call and what they want, but I still have this uneasy feeling because I know they have different motives for just hanging around. She's open and honest with me as far as I know. But it's gotten to the point where if she and I are together and she turns her cell off, they show up at her job. She does inform me of it but to me its very disrespectful.

She's the type of person that just allows people to do what they do. She doesn't like to say no or be mean. She told me she has no backbone. And I don't want to seem mean or jealous and say well I don't want you in contact with any of these people because she calls them her friends.

She says she gets along better with butches than femmes. They are all butch and so am I. She is femme. She feels as if I should be in control and she should follow my lead. But I don't want to seem unreasonable and or just jealous. I asked her if I was to say I didn't want her in contact with any of these friends and ex's would she end all contact and she said yes. I didn't tell her to do that but I would have loved to do it. Am I in the wrong?

Jealous Joan

Now Joan... are you serious? If you allow her to, this woman will run all over you and not think twice. As an adult woman, she knows exactly what is appropriate and what isn't. Getting texts, calls, visits, etc from anyone who is sexually attracted to you is NOT APPROPRIATE. You need to get the backbone to tell her that you do not want her talking or associating with these people because like she said, she does not. Yes, in a perfect world, she would do it on her own but... it's not a perfect world and sometimes we have to do these things. You are not being jealous or stupid but you have to look out for yourself and trust only goes so far when one partner in the relationship is being stupid.

Now I'm not one to say that "femmes can't be friends with butches/studs" and vice versa but there comes a point when a line needs to be drawn. If your partner feels uncomfortable with a certain situation, then you need to adjust it so that she is comfortable. Especially if it is dealing with another person that could possibly be a threat to the relationship.

The best way to handle it is to talk about it. Express how you feel, find out how she feels, and adjust accordingly.