Don't ask don't tell?

Okay, so I'm gonna preface this with my own personal "coming out" story (which by the way is so funny and backwards to people when they first hear it but... I'm putting it out for the entire world to see!! lol).

So I'm 18, I've been with my then girlfriend for four months. At the time, we were in a long distance relationship because I was in school in Michigan and at the time, she was in school in Alabama. So we're together, "in love" and all that jive. When I went home for Christmas break, we just couldn't get enough of each other. Neither of our families knew yet, and we were best friends in high school so it was pretty easy for us to have "sleep-overs" throughout the break. However, my mom threw a wrench in the plan when she started asking questions. "Why can't you and T. get enough of each other?" or "You're going over to T.'s to spend the night? Wasn't she just over here yesterday?" and stuff like that. I blew it off for the most part and ignored her until she sat me down and said "When I take you to the doctor, we're going to get you some birth control because anything can happen and I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did..." (blah blah blah). Now, why in the hell would I have needed birth control?!?! Spit don't make you pregnant. So we argue about it but I was just like, forget it. So we went to the doctor and she tells the doctor that she wants me to get on birth control. I made a sour face and the doctor went into this long explanation about why birth control is necessary. (Keep in mind, I've never had sex with a male... yes, I'm a GOLD STAR!! LOL) But eventually, the doctor left the room to go get something and while she was gone, my mom and I started arguing again. "I hope you don't think that you and T. are going to be engaging in lesbian activities for the rest of your life?" she told me... I'll never forget, I was sitting on the paper lined table in the little room and she was standing right next to me. Needless to say, her comment shut me up and I took the birth control and we left. The next day, I headed back to school, still haunted by her comment. So that night, I decided to come clean and tell her. She was shocked and said that she expected me to deny the "lesbian activities" comment, but when I didn't she kind of knew. Overall, though, she took it very well. It turns out that the relationship with T. didn't work out but if it wasn't for my mother, I would never have gotten through it. She was a pillar of strength and a shoulder to cry on (through the phone) when I was up crying about it at three in the morning. And my mother was the first person that I told about my current relationship a year ago.
Now keep in mind that through all of this, only two of my friends knew about me being a lesbian. One accidentally found out and the other I told because we met around the time that I found out that T. was cheating on me and I spilled my guts to her. Everyone else assumed that the person that I was up on the phone with until 4AM when I had class at 9AM the next morning and the person who broke my heart was a male. And I let them believe it. Even lying to continue their false beliefs. For some reason, I couldn't tell them that I was a lesbian. That is, until I fell in love with V., my current. V. was like a breath of fresh air and I just couldn't keep it a secret. So I put her picture up on my facebook page with a "status" that said "Yoshika is telling everyone to 'take a look at my girlfriend, she's the only one I got'" (remember the song by Gym Class Heroes?). After making a few calls the the "importants" (a.k.a. my best friend who had NO IDEA) I was openly a lesbian. Some people started whispering and it eventually got around campus to the point where I was hearing about people asking OTHER people (not me, lmao) "Is Shika really gay?" or giving each other meaningful glances when I do my presentation on Gay Adoptions. I mean, hey, I didn't care, I was young, in love, and I had everything off my chest and felt much better for it.

So this leads me to my topic of the night... (damn, this is going to be a long as fuck blog... lol). As an out member of the LGBTQ community, is it best to have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy? Part of me says, yes, it is best. Sometimes it's not in your best interest for people to know that you're homosexual. Some communities (black, religious, conservative) don't agree with homosexuality and it's actually really dangerous to be out. Think of Boys Don't Cry. If Brandon would have gone to New York City I highly doubt that he would have been killed for being a trans-man. But because he was in a rural mid-western town, it wasn't accepted. I'm sorry, I am in no way, shape, or form a martyr and I don't want to be killed because of my sexual orientation. Personally, I wouldn't even BE in some red-neck mid-western town but hey, if I was I would, by no means, advertise that I'm a lesbian and pull out my rainbow colored "I am, are you?" t-shirt. However, if the LGBTQ community was comprised of people like me, we would be nowhere right now but hiding in a log cabin in the middle of Kentucky somewhere. I'll admit that. And that's why I think that sometimes "don't ask, don't tell" is a punk's way out. In order to make progress, we have to make greater society uncomfortable. And to do that, we have to be out and proud in all aspects of our lives.

I guess the biggest thing, though, is that there's a time and place for everything. Be out when it feels right, but if it doesn't, then don't.

Goodnight!